So grateful...

Emmett is a really good baby.  Whenever I even think about complaining or getting frustrated at any time with him, I just have to remind myself how easy I really have it.  Emmett rarely cries.  He sleeps through the night (he didn't always, his 4th and 5th month were pretty rough at times, but still not as bad as it could have been).  He eats well (with only a few exceptions having to do with breastfeeding).  He has only been sick once in his life (if you don't count the pneumonia at birth).  It honestly makes me nervous when I think about planning our second baby.  There's no way I will be this lucky a second time.

I'm all alone with the baby tonight.  Chris is going to the Panthers game tonight with some work customers.  I'm jealous even though I'm not a Carolina fan.  Just to go to an NFL game at all, even preseason, would be something I've never done before and would LOVE to do.  So I'll be feeding, bathing, and putting Emmett to bed all by myself tonight, which I have rarely ever done.  I'm sure it will feel a little lonely, but we'll be ok.  Chris will be home sometime after midnight probably.

The coming of fall gives me mixed emotions.  I like when the weather starts to cool off.  I love Halloween.  But I know that winter is coming next, and that is a season I could do without.  I hate the cold.  I hate short days with too much darkness and not enough sunshine.  I hate that I will have to put warm clothes on the baby, including socks and maybe even shoes if he starts walking (which probably won't be long now).  I prefer now when I can just put a onesie on him and maybe a pair of shorts if we go somewhere, and he can go around barefoot.  I too like to go barefoot.  I wear flip flops about 9 months out of the year and my toenails are always painted.  But most of all I am not looking forward to November when my baby turns 1.  I am so bummed about him not being a baby anymore, and after 1 he won't be considered a baby much longer.  Of course I know he has to grow up, and I will be so proud to see him reach every new milestone in life.  But part of me will always cry for the sweet baby I held in my arms in the morning of his life. 

So this is going to be a quick update since Emmett is just starting to stir from his nap.  Lately he is waking up really early, like 5:00 but then going back to sleep after a while until maybe 6:30.  Then he plays around for a while in his crib and falls back asleep until almost 8:00.  He's been doing this all week and I'm really not sure what to do with him.  I guess I should keep letting him go back to sleep as long as he does, because he still takes his morning nap about the same time and sleeps just as long.  However, he has not taken a good afternoon nap yet this week.  So maybe he's getting too much sleep in the morning, or maybe enough sleep.  But afternoon naps less than an hour long are no good.  I can't get anything done.  So we'll see how this goes in the near future.  I may have to start getting him around 6:30 before he can go back to sleep.  Its also been dark and cloudy in the mornings which I think encourages him to sleep more.  It sure makes me want to sleep more.

I am going to need to start doing some tutoring again this fall in order for us to make ends meet.  I have put my ad up on craigslist and I've received a few emails.  We'll see if I can get enough clients.  Of course this tutoring hinges upon Emmett's afternoon nap.  I need him to sleep at least an hour in order for this to work, which is why I am concerned about the short naps he's been taking this week.  Now that he is mobile, I can't just stick him in his swing or his chair like I did during last school year and I can't chase him around while tutoring.  Hopefully this will work out.  Its the best way for me to make a little extra without having to give up any time with Emmett.

Well it sounds like he is really up now.  I can hear him standing up in his crib slapping his hands on the crib rail with glee.

Its just...hard sometimes

Yesterday was one of those days where motherhood was making me want to pull my hair out.  First of all, it was a crappy rainy day.  Emmett woke up around 6:30 as he usually does when Chris gets up.  He was too awake to go back to sleep after eating, but all morning he just acted sleepy and fussy.  His morning nap was about an hour and a half, which was fine because we needed to meet my friend Lisa at 11:30 for lunch.  It was great to see her, because it had been a while.  I also saw some other people I used to work with, and that was interesting.  I expected I would because the restaurant we went to was a popular spot for lunch at my old office.  People commented that I looked good...its like people are just waiting to see if you lost your baby weight or not.  Thank goodness I have, although my eyebrows were in desperate need of a waxing, but I'm sure I was the only one who was aware of that, as I'm lucky to have very light facial hair.  Emmett was very good during lunch, smiling and flirting with everyone in the restaurant, as he usually does. 

After lunch we went home and played for a while and he started getting very fussy and sleepy, so I put him down for his nap.  Then the cable guy came to fix our digital phone that went out Tuesday evening.  He was as quiet as he could be for me, but Emmett woke up early due to the commotion.  The time between his afternoon nap and when Chris gets home from work is the hardest part of the day for me.  I'm usually tired by then and ready for Chris to help me wrangle our excessively mobile child.  And of course, he got out of work late as he does most of the time and I was just ready to lose it.  I'm not sure I can even explain why I was so tired and frustrated.  Looking back there's no good reason really.  But Chris took pity on me and let me run out after supper to go get my eyebrows waxed so that I could have just a few moments to myself.  You know, its rare for me to EVER feel like I need a break from Emmett.  Since the day he was born I have not wanted to be away from him.  Not because I am overprotective and afraid to leave him with anyone, and not because I am afraid he will miss me or not be ok without me (so far he doesn't even care if I leave the room), but because I truly love being with my son.  I was only gone for about 40 minutes, but as soon as I pulled out of the driveway I couldn't wait to get back to be with him.   

Another day...

Well the biting issue is still off and on.  Luckily he is not biting as hard as he was, and I'm also able to recognize the signs when he is going to and stop him in time.  The little bugger is just impatient when milk doesn't let down right away.  And he thinks its funny.  So yeah, try teaching any lesson to an 8 month old.  He is still sleeping pretty good, doesn't usually wake up at night, at least not long enough that I have to intervene.  Still wakes up earlier than I would like, but I'll take what I can get.

Had a great weekend at HOME for a change, just the three of us.  We didn't do much of anything, except some shopping on Saturday.  We went to Once Upon a Child and got Emmet a couple of new toys for cheap.  We got him a Fisher-price Little Superstar Jammin' Band Musical Microphone that was in really good shape for only $10 (its $50 new).  He loves it!  He can pull up on it and stand and it has piano keys, a guitar, a drum, and a microphone that lights up when he makes any noise into it.  It was a great buy.  We also got some Leapfrog fridge magnet letters for him that come with an electronic thing that you stick the letters into that sings a song with the letter name and its sound.  He loves those too, and it gives him something to play with in the kitchen while I'm cooking. 

Through most of his ealry months, E didn't follow much of a schedule.  He slept when he was tired and ate when he was hungry or every 2-3 hours, which ever came first.  He used to take like five 30 minutes naps a day and seemed sleepy all the time.  He would only nap in his little chair.  Around 6 months he finally started taking 2 naps a day in his crib that were between 1.5 and 2 hours long at certain times a day.  Now that he has a set schedule I sometimes wish he didn't.  I am too much of a slave to his schedule now, worrying that if we keep him out past his naptime that he will be cranky or not sleep well at night.  I used to love that he would fall asleep in the car all the time, and now I'm afraid he will and then not take a nap.  I know its good for babies to have a predictable schedule, but sometimes I think it causes me extra stress.  I guess he will eventually only take one nap a day and then we will have a little more freedom.  But by then we might be getting close to baby number 2.  No, I'm not pregnant again, and no, we are not trying...yet.  I am trying to decide when to have another and really struggling with the timing.  I always thought I wanted my kids to be close in age like my brother and I are, but I would need to be pregnant again right now to achieve that, and um...no, I am just not ready yet.  So, do I want them to be within 2 years apart so they will get along better, or do I want to space them out more so that its easier for me when they are young?  Do I want 2 in diapers at once?  Will I be able to give the 2nd baby the attention they deserve if we do it too soon?  Decisions, decisions.  And that brings me to another subject, gender selection, which I will not address at this time.  I'll save that for another post because I'm sure that will be good and controversial.

Its always something

So today we had a recurrence of an old breastfeeding issue: biting.  Emmett had an issue with biting a few months ago that only lasted a day before he learned a very simple concept: biting = no milk.  Today we had to revisit that concept and it seems as if it sunk in once again.  And it figures, we just got over an issue with slow let down and things were going good for a while.  Man, it sure hurts.  And it just creates a negative atmosphere for both of us.  It makes me so nervous when I go to feed him that I literally sweat from fear of being bitten.  And he feels frustrated because he doesn't understand what he's doing and why his food is being taken away.  Breastfeeding is usually such a wonderful bonding experience that creates a mutual sense of comfort and happiness, and biting can ruin that so quickly.  I just wish I knew what made him start biting out of nowhere and how to make him understand that he needs to stop.  Last time it was right in the middle of when he popped out a bunch of teeth in a matter of days, so there's a good chance its teething.  He managed to nurse at bedtime tonight without biting, so let's hope we're making progress.

Watching some preseason NFL tonight.  No surprise, Carolina is losing to Baltimore.  I can't wait for the real season to start.  Maybe Pittsburgh will make it to the Super Bowl again.

Well I'm starting to fall asleep while typing so I'm off to bed.  E woke up at 2:30 again last night for some reason.  Now that he sleeps through the night most of the time, when he gets up even once it makes me feel really tired the next day.

Summer Days

This is where you will find Emmett 90% of the time that he is awake.  Standing up, holding onto the coffee table or the ottoman.  He is fascinated with anything on the table, especially the lap top.  Anything that looks like a grown up toy.  He crawls all over the living room, and the kitchen too whenever I let him.  We finally had to put padding around the edge of the coffee table because he keeps bumping his head or his chin on it.  Now that he's mobile he is always getting little bumps and bruises and I have a feeling this is only the beginning. 

This morning Emmett slept til 7:00, which is pretty good.  He usually wakes up before then, and as a general rule if he wakes up before 7:00 he will nurse and go back to sleep for a little while, maybe until 8:00.  Last night he woke up around 2:30 and couldn't seem to get back to sleep.  I nursed him and rocked him back to sleep and actually enjoyed it since he almost always sleeps through the night now.  I almost miss getting up at night with him. 

It was cool enough this morning that we were able to go for a walk around the neighborhood.  I was still sweaty by the time we got back.  I like morning walks.  Its really peaceful and quiet in the neighborhood with most people gone to work.  We don't get to go for walks nearly as often now that its so hot.  All winter when E was little we walked any day that it was 40 degrees or higher.  He just slept so much better when he got some fresh air and sunlight.  Its weird to say "when E was little" like he's all grown up or something.  He's still little, just not little bitty newborn little.  I can't think about that without crying.

This afternoon we went to Target so I could check out some clearance sales.  I have some birthday money to spend and I always hoard it for way too long.  I found a few shirts and a pair of purple shorts that are just so me.  I wanted to find a new bathing suit, but I didn't see anything I liked.  I am really frustrated about that particular subject right now.  I am down 25 pounds from where I was prepregnancy.  I gained about 40 while pregnant, so that plus the 25 is a total of 65 pounds lost.  The only time I weighed less than this after high school was in college after my jaw surgery when my jaw was wired shut for 5 weeks and I was on a liquid only diet.  And still, my stomach is all flabby and stretchmarked from pregnancy so I still can't comfortably wear a bikini.  I was looking for a tankini.  I have one, but the top doesn't fit tight to my stomach so in the water it floats up.  I want to find one that has a more fitted top.

Moments like this one are few and far between now.  Emmett doesn't want to be held, he wants to be moving all the time.  I treasure these brief instances.

New Blog!

So this is going to be my new blog!  I used to use livejournal, but I found myself updating less and less often there, and I'm hoping trying something new will motivate me to update more often.  And if I update more often its easier to do, because then I don't feel like I have to try and sum up a whole month in just one post.  This first post is just a trial to see how everything looks, so sorry for the lack of content here.  More to come!