The Results are In...

Here we are, the night before my kids go back to school. And you're wondering, did we make it? Did we touch even one device or watch a single TV show or movie all summer?

Of course we did! I'm not perfect. But we did break the cycle. We stopped using screens as a crutch. Here are the most positive of accomplishments:

• The boys can eat at a restaurant without playing devices.
• The boys can wait in waiting rooms without playing devices.
• The boys can grocery shop with me without playing devices (and for the most part I don't go crazy, emphasis on "for the most part.")
• The boys can get up in the morning and play quietly with toys and each other while I sleep in.

New rules in our house include:

• The boys must earn marbles toward screen time. 1 marble = 30 minutes. They earn them by doing chores around the house. This is just for phone or tablet time, TV is separate. 
• The maximum amount of device playing time per day is 1 hour no matter how many marbles they earn. Exceptions can be made as I see fit.
• TV can be watched with permission, but much less. And we've eliminated certain shows such as gaming shows and other "junk." I encourage movies, which tend to have much more depth to the story line, teach more of a lesson, deal with deeper emotions, and require a much longer attention span.

Screen time has majorly increased in the last few weeks as we've been prepping our home to sell, which requires that the boys keep their rooms very neat. Screen time helps with that. Throughout this extremely difficult process, it's easier for everyone. Now that school is back in session starting tomorrow, much less screen time should be required to keep the status quo. We are toying with the idea of relegating all screen time to weekends during the school year, but I'm hesitant as I don't want to encourage weekend binging. We may just stick to our one hour rule for weekdays, but give them the choice of TV or devices, not both. We'll just have to experiment. 

It seems that with increased screen time, ADHD behavior in Emmett has increased. I'm not certain that we have a clear cause and effect situation here, but signs point to yes (I asked my Magic 8 Ball). Owen still struggles to entertain himself independently without screens, but greatly improved over the summer. His love of video games will not diminish with any experiment it seems. We've got a hardcore gamer on our hands. 

The experiment was certainly an eye-opening experience that improved our household for the better. Did it fix all of our problems and produce perfect angel children? No! Get real. Did we play outside all summer and get tons of fresh air? No! North Carolina summers are too freakin' hot for that mess. Unless you're in a pool, forget about it. We swam some in pools and at the beach, but mostly we stayed inside in the air conditioning. We went to the library, we read books, we went to the Children's Museum and the Science Museum. We played board games...so many board games.

And we survived. We beat the addiction. I set out to make a change and I didn't give up.

One month down!

I truly intended to blog so much more this summer. If not daily, at least a few times a week. Well here we are, a month in, and this is my first update since the very first week. There have certainly been some ups and downs as well as some screen time allowed in specific scenarios. But all in all, I'd say we have, for the most part, broken the screen habit. I'm actually surprised how it just seemed to happen without any of us realizing it.

We spent the past week at the beach with their grandparents and great-grandparents and at first they struggled because they're used to a lot of screen time there. They used to get up in the morning and immediately start playing games on their phones or watching TV or asking to play on Nana's iPad or playing the Xbox...for heaven's sake, screens are everywhere! The only time they weren't on screens was when we were out on the actual beach or riding on the boat or jet skiis. Owen would complain about having to stop screening to go out on the beach and wouldn't want to stay long once we got there. (He kinda hates sand too.) But this year, without screens they were so much more excited to get out of the beach house and do things. They even got a chance to go out fishing in the open ocean for the first time. Owen caught a fish and responded with a quote that I think truly reflects the positive change in him: "This is my new favorite thing!" Oh my heart!

In between outdoor activities, they did have some time to play the Xbox and watch a few TV shows when they really needed some down time. But those times were few and far between. We celebrated Owen's 6th birthday while we were at the beach. He received some LEGO sets that he had specifically asked for (even though he typically doesn't enjoy LEGOs quite as much as Emmett does). Well today he spent the entire day building his LEGO mountain police station, all while Emmett was at cub scout day camp. He worked patiently and quietly and only asked for help when he was truly stuck or when he couldn't find the right piece he needed. It was quite amazing to watch, as he usually gets easily frustrated with building LEGOs and wants someone else to just do it for him. His proud face said it all, especially when big brother got home and expressed his amazement at how much Owen had built.

We think that we are continuing to see a pattern in Emmett, where reintroducing screen time seems to result in negative behaviors. Following screen time he tends to have more trouble controlling himself, he is much less respectful, and his mood is generally not as positive. He has a mind that is always moving a mile a minute and down time is his enemy. He hyper-focuses on whatever he is currently interested in, and transitioning to something else at the request of someone else can be very difficult, whether screens or LEGOs. But his creative side is pretty amazing to watch when he gets going. Before our last dinner at the beach, Emmett decided to make it like a restaurant. He designed a menu, set the table, and took everyone's food and drink orders. These are the kinds of things I would always see other people's kids doing. Parents would brag on social media about all the creative things their kids were doing/making/learning. And I'd be like, "My kids watched 5 consecutive hours of Pokémon today. Woo."

When we have watched TV lately, it's been World Cup Soccer or Ninja Warrior. Then we turn it off again when the game or episode ends. We're getting used to the quiet. And when it feels too quiet we listen to music. The one thing I complained about in the beginning was that they still never voluntarily chose to read. Well that happened too while we were at the beach. It was suddenly very quiet so I checked on them and they were both laying on their beds reading library books. Go figure. Another favorite moment came on the 4th when Emmett and I spent some time looking up at the night sky. We noticed that we could actually see 3 planets at once, and confirmed this using Skyview, one of my favorite apps. Space/astronomy has been a particular area of interest to the boys, especially Emmett, this summer. We have certainly made some memories, a lot of which may not have happened under normal circumstances.

Onward through July!

Reflections on the First Week of our Screen Time Revolution

The first couple of days were hard, I cannot tell a lie. I almost caved and let them watch just a little TV so that I could have some peace and quiet and get some work done. But I didn't. This is why no screens is easier for me to adhere to than attempting to limit the time. Owen whined a lot, but wanted to get out of the house more because he was bored. This was one of the desired results. However, Emmett only wanted to stay home and build with LEGOs all day. Literally, ALL. DAY. So it was difficult to try and please them both. I finally got them to agree on swimming at the Y one day to get out of the house a while. All in all I can say we survived, barely. Best quote of the week goes to Owen: "Mommy, you know what's my favorite part of this whole no screen thing? Going to sleep at night."

Thursday evening we headed out of town to my parents' house in VA, 2 hours away. For the first time since I can remember, the boys made the trip without their DVD player. They played with toys some and we all listened to music. It went surprisingly well and I was glad I decided to hold out. Owen actually fell asleep for the last hour of the trip, which he rarely ever does when watching movies.

Friday morning we headed up to Pennsylvania, a 6 hour drive. The boys wanted to ride in my parents' car, and we had already decided previously that this trip would be the one exception to screen rule. The boys were allowed to watch DVDs the entire way in the car, and you would have thought it was Christmas morning. I consider this a win, not a failure. One of my goals is to turn screen time into the exception instead of the rule for our household. In the past, surprising them with pizza and movie night used to be lack luster when they had already been watching TV as much as they wanted all day.

Throughout the weekend in PA there were just a few other times we allowed them to watch TV because we were in a rental house where the options for things to do were limited. The reason for our trip was my cousin's wedding, which was absolutely beautiful and took place on a gorgeous farm out in the country. They also had their cousins to play with and spent many hours running all over creation together, which allowed us some much needed adult time with family. I could not have been happier watching them wear themselves out on a farm without thought or mention of devices.

It did seem that the more screen time they had, the more we noticed some of the old disturbing behaviors that we almost didn't realize were gone until they returned. Whining when asked to turn off the TV and some overall grumpiness and unwillingness to cooperate at times. I am not sure if the moodiness was more a result of the screen time or more from the fact that they were outside of their usual routine and comfort zone. This is something we will have to investigate further as this experiment continues.

Upon returning home, it seems moods have improved significantly. Today was a successful screen-free day complete with slip and slide fun. Both boys worked up good appetites and ate extremely well at dinner, devouring grilled chicken, green beans, and roasted red potatoes. Oh and let's not forget homemade pudding pops for dessert! Some days are just wins.

How Did We Get Here?

If you read my first post about my kids' obsession with screens, you probably thought "How did you let it get so out of control in the first place?" Well...let me lay it out for you.

To truly understand how screens took hold in our household, you must first understand my eldest son, Emmett. The first time he walked, he ran. And never stopped. He was always on the go, always one step ahead of me, always looking to the next thing. Grocery shopping with him was a nightmare, as was any activity that required even one iota of patience from him. Sometime around the age of 2 he was introduced to his first iPhone and the game of Angry Birds. And just like that we found something that could keep his attention for significant periods of time. We began giving him a phone to play at restaurants so that we could actually go out to eat without losing our minds. I tried to keep his screen time to a minimum, only if we really needed it. He watched TV some as a toddler, but typically played with toys and paid minimal attention to whatever Nick Jr. or Disney show was on. The one exception was the Disney movie Cars, which he could watch in its entirety because it was the epitome of his one true love: vehicles. We thought we had it under control.

Enter: baby brother Owen. Oh how I loved my sweet, cuddly second baby boy...except that he was so clingy. He cried whenever I had to put him down to help Emmett with potty training or whatever else big brother, just under 3, needed at the time. I could not hold him enough for his taste. And so anything went for a while, just to keep the peace, and Emmett had screen time to his heart's desire. And Owen was born into a home where the TV was always on. And he quickly assimilated.

As time marched on more gaming devices were introduced from phones to game systems and more. Owen, even more so than Emmett, came to love video games. Now in our defense, we do and have done plenty of other things besides sitting inside our home on screens. We go to playgrounds, we bowl, attend local baseball and hockey games, go swimming, visit pumpkin patches, tractor shows, and any number of other events. But it seems that if we're at home, we're screening.

The funny thing about my idea to have our kids give up screens is that I am the least likely person to ever make a decision like this. If you had told me even two months ago that we would be doing this, I would have told you that you are certifiably crazy and to pass me the wine. Personally, I watch minimal TV and I spend some of my spare time on facebook, but otherwise I can honestly say, without a doubt, that I am not addicted to my phone. The boys did tell me that if they had to do it, I had to do it too. Frankly it's been easy. I only use my phone for necessary communication throughout the day. As for my husband, I'm allowing him to be as involved or uninvolved in this project as he wishes. It seems he is fully on board with this endeavor.

In the past I justified the amount of time my kids spent on screens in a variety of ways:

• They're tired from a long day of school, they deserve time to unwind.
• It's ok if they're learning something from it.
• Being tech-savvy will prepare them for the future in a technological world.
• They choose to do other things occasionally.
• I can get more work done when they are occupied with screens.
• I deserve time to relax and their screen time allows me that.

It's not that these aren't true. It's that they are excuses I made when I didn't want to admit that it had gone on too long. I even dreaded the fussing I was sure to hear if when I told them their screen time was over. So I just...didn't. 

Now here we are, in the nitty gritty of this experiment and I'm not going to say it isn't hard. I've been tempted to cave many times. But going cold turkey is easier for me than reducing their screen time. Even just 30 minutes is like a gateway drug. It's a full-blown addiction and the only way to kick it is to eliminate it. I fully intend to bring it back in reasonable moderation once we have proven that we can not only live without it, but that we are better off. Here's hoping we reach that conclusion sooner than later. 

Changes

I'm starting with the Mom in the mirror
I'm asking her to change her ways
No message could have been any clearer
If you want to make your home a better place
Take a look at yourself and make a change

It started with small clues that something was wrong. The boys stopped wanting to play outside. Then even Emmett, my die-hard social kid, didn't want to have play dates with friends after school. They didn't want to go to the pool or the playground or take a walk around the neighborhood. I thought they were just going through a phase, or getting older (what? They're 8 and 5!). The problem was right in front of my face but I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to have to admit it. Because then I would have to do something about it. What is it, you ask?

Screens.

TV, iPhones, iPad, Kindles, GameCube, Xbox. We have them all. And it's all they ever want to do. When they're not playing on screens they're watching TV shows where someone is playing a video game and narrating what they're doing as they're playing. It's ridiculous. And its gotten out of control at our house. From the time they get home from school until at least dinner time and even sometimes after dinner until bedtime, it's screens. One after the other until the batteries are all dead and every device is charging.

This past school year when I would pick them up from school, the first thing out of their mouths would be "Can I watch TV? Can I play my phone when we get home?" Even if I packed a snack and planned a playdate with friends, they would whine and say they just wanted to go home. And I would get mad and lecture them about how real life experiences are so much more fun than fake worlds on screens. And so we would go and meet friends and they would play for a while before asking when it was time to go home. Owen, who is not as social, would typically be the first to start whining, whereas Emmett would play well and wait until we were in the car on the way home to frantically ask if he still had enough time for screens before dinner or before bedtime. Heaven forbid our fun time with friends should cut into his precious Minecraft time. I knew something had to give.

And so I began to hatch my scheme. I read an article about letting kids have an "old fashioned summer" where they ran through sprinklers, ate popsicles, played in the creek, climbed trees, and caught fireflies. Where they have time to be bored and come up with ways to entertain themselves like using their imaginations and making things out of cardboard boxes. That's how I remember summer when I was growing up and I want that for my kids.

Of course there are a few differences in my life now than what my life was like as a kid. First of all, we live in a suburban development with a very small yard. (We're hoping to upgrade soon to something bigger, but that remains to be seen.) It's no longer safe to kick your kids out the door beyond a fenced in backyard. You can't let your kids run barefoot in the yard and roll in the grass because they'll surely get a tick bite and die. Don't feed them popsicles with all that sugar and artificial dyes and preservatives. Creek water is surely polluted and climbing trees means you'll end up in the ER defending yourself to a social worker when your kid falls and breaks their arm. But I digress from my original point.

We are giving up screens for the summer. Period.

Yes, it's going to be hard. Yes, they will whine. Yes, they will drive me crazy. Yes, they will want 5,000 snacks and beg me to play with them all day and trash the house with 10,000 toys. But I believe in this plan. I am determined to make it work. We are going to have the summer of all summers, making real memories, out in the real world, with real people and nature. And it's going to be messy and exhausting and glorious!