Just as I suspected

I knew my blog was going to suffer since I went back to work.  I really hate that.  I vow to do better.

So my baby boy is 14 months old now, as of January 30th.  He is really not a baby anymore, he is a little boy.  Surprisingly though, I don't feel sad about that like I used to.  Maybe after a year my hormones have finally calmed down, because I swear I did nothing but cry his entire first year of life.  If I really let myself think too much I can get a little weepy about not having a baby anymore.  But pretty soon I am going to be ready to start trying for baby number two, so I think that helps.  Who knows what I'll be like next time, knowing it will be my last baby.  I am quite certain I don't want any more than two.  The idea of the kids outnumbering the parents makes me a little nervous.  And I want a girl so bad it hurts.  When I'm out I see families that have a boy and a girl and I feel jealous even though we're not even there yet.  I am trying to be realistic and prepare myself for the fact that we could have another boy.  And that wouldn't be the worst thing.  I have loved every moment with my sweet baby boy, the hugs and kisses and snuggles.  I would love having another boy as well.  I would have an excuse to use all of Emmett's most adorable outfits all over again.  I have made a rule for myself that I am not allowed to start trying again until I am at a healthy place where I would be happy with another baby, boy or girl.  We'll see.

Work is still going ok.  Its nice to get a paycheck (I get my second one this Friday).  But I still wish I could be at home with Emmett every day.  I don't enjoy my job, I didn't before I left either.  I like helping people, but I don't always have the patience for the stupidity of the general public.  And no, not everyone I talk to is stupid, but most of the people who feel the need to call their credit union on a regular basis are.  In this day and age, if you can't figure out how to do the vast majority of your finances on your own, then you are probably stupid.  And then I'm encouraged and required to take advantage of these people, all in the name of "consultative sales."  I hate sales.  Its not like I didn't know what I was getting into.  I went back to the exact same position I left.  But no other job would have let me choose my own hours the way this place did.  If I ever do go back to work full time, the only thing I know for sure is that I will NOT work in sales ever again.  I actually plan to go back into education in some capacity, I'm just pretty sure I don't want to be a classroom teacher ever again.  I'm thinking about either subbing or being a teacher assistant.  How ridiculous would it be for someone with a Masters in Education to be a teacher assistant?  But that's what I want.  I like kids, I just don't like the ridiculous expectations that are put on teachers.  If I were a sub or a teacher assistant, I would be able to leave work as soon as the kids are on the bus.  I wouldn't have to stay after school for meetings, I wouldn't have any lesson plans or grading to do.  Of course the pay is significantly less, but there's no dollar sign on peace of mind.  It will be perfect once I have kids of school age.

Well that's a little of what's on my mind today.  I can't look at this computer screen any longer, I'm already getting a headache.