Almost there!

I am 35 weeks along now!  Two more weeks and I'll be 37, which means the baby is officially considered to be full term, although the due date is at 40 weeks.  I'm a little overwhelmed, but I'm finally getting pretty excited about it.  I'm ready to get this baby out.  Partly because I am getting increasingly bigger and more uncomfortable, and the weather is getting increasingly warmer and more unbearable.

Oh and its a boy by the way.  I was disapointed about that at first and it took me a little while to get over it.  I'm pretty sure I only want two children, so this was my only chance to experience the mother-daughter relationship from the mother perspective.  My relationship with my mother is so great, I really wanted to pass that on to a daughter of my own.  I also wanted to give my mother a granddaughter.  Who knows, I just might decide to try one more time.  But the way I feel right now, I don't see that happening.  Plus there's a good chance I would just end up with a third boy, and that would just be...too much.  I was really hoping for a break from cars, trucks, trains, and vehicles of all kinds.  Maybe this one won't be into those things.  But really, there are a lot of reasons that I'm glad I'm having another boy.  I can't wait to meet him.  I'm hoping he comes early, and I have a feeling he will.  He is much more active than Emmett was, and I have a feeling he won't be content to be cooped up in here much longer. 

Things are looking good for a VBAC attempt.  So far he's been measuring normal size for his gestational age.  I have gained significatnly less weight this pregnancy, and actually got a compliment from my doctor about that last week.  He is also in the head-down position.  As long as I go into labor naturally and don't have to be induced, we should be good to go.

Emmett slept in his big boy bed last night!  I am so proud of him.  He went to sleep on his own and slept through the night, until almost 9:00 which is actually later than I would like him to.  But he still took his nap on time, also in his big boy bed!  He's just now starting to wake up.  My biggest fear about it all was that he wouldn't stay in bed.  But we got an extra-long safety rail that goes almost the entire length of the bed.  Its also a day bed, but a low wooden one that has rails around three sides already.  So I think he honestly doesn't realize that he could possibly climb out.  He'll probably eventually figure it out, but for now it works.  So that's one big step in getting him ready for the new baby.  The next step is getting him potty trained, which we have started on, but haven't gotten real serious about yet.  I figure we'll give him the rest of the week to get used to the new bed before we start potty boot camp.  Don't want to overwhelm him with too many changes at once.  I think once he sees how much more comfortable underwear is compared to diapers, he'll be glad to make the change.  Lately he messes with his diaper a lot, like its bugging him.  And he'll pee in the potty most of the time when we ask him to, and sometimes he asks to go on his own.  So we've got a good start.  I think he can do it before the baby comes and then we won't have two kids in diapers at once.  But we'll see.

So everything is going well!  I still have a lot of work to do to get ready, but I'm getting closer to being there.  Now that Emmett is out of the nursery, I can really work on getting the nursery ready.  I need to get all the baby clothes out and washed, get clothes of Emmett's put away, set up all the baby stuff again.  I'm actually excited to do all of that.  More nesting!

Great Expectations

I am 26 weeks pregnant, and this is the first time I have mentioned it on my blog.  Most people that read my blog already know anyway.  But I guess its time that I write about it.

We are expecting our second child on July 1st.  We don't know the gender yet, it was unable to be determined during our last sonogram.  We should have another sonogram on Tuesday, but I'm not getting my hopes up that we'll find anything out.  I'm not sure if its just that my children are shy or that my doctors' office has poor quality sonogram equipment, because the same thing happened when I was pregnant with Emmett.  Regardless, we are going to get a 3D sonogram done around 30 weeks, so we'll know by then for sure.  Emmett thinks he is having a baby sister.  He won't even consider the fact that it might be a boy.  However, I have a strong feeling that its another boy.  But who knows, I had a feeling Emmett was a girl, so what do I know? 

This weekend Emmett is going to spend Saturday night at his grandparents' house so that we can work on his new bedroom.  We need to get it cleaned out, move the queen bed out and put a bunch of stuff in storage.  I hate losing our guest bedroom, but honestly we don't use it very often, only when family comes to stay.  We mostly use it for storage right now.  We are considering getting a pullout couch for the living room, but we really don't need a new couch and then we'd have one more thing to put in storage to use later.  Hopefully we'll get a lot done, because we really need to get Emmett's new room ready so that he has time to get used to it before the baby comes.  I don't want him to feel like he got pushed out of his room because of the baby.  But Emmett's nursery was neutral (remember how I mentioned that we didn't know he was a boy until I was 30 weeks along?) so we figure we might as well just leave the nursery decorated the way it is (it has a celestial theme, all stars and moons and such).  And even though Emmett's crib is a convertible one that goes to toddler bed and then to full size bed, we think we are just going to use it as a crib for now and get him a twin bed.  We considered bunk beds, but I think we've decided against that for now.  Of course if we have another boy they could eventually share a room, but I don't want them to feel like they have to.  Even brothers need their own space.  Not sure what kind of theme I want to do for his big boy room.  I'm not sure if I want to let him pick out his own or not.  I'm not a big fan of cartoon character themed rooms (I feel the same way about clothes for him) and I have a feeling that's what he'd pick if I let him.  I'd rather just have a combination of solid colors.  But if he picked it out himself, he may be more interested in sleeping in there.  I'll think some more on it and decide later.

I've had some difficulty with my feelings regarding this pregnancy.  I just can't believe how different it feels.  I haven't had the same level of excitement, and in fact in some ways I am dreading this.  Is that terrible to say?  I can't help it, its the truth.  First of all, I'm not looking forward to another labor and delivery.  The day Emmett was born was the best day of my life and the worst day of my life all at the same time.  I'm terrified to go through it all again.  Not only was labor painful and exhausting, but it ended in a c-section after more than 24 hours of labor, and the worst part is that Emmett had breathing problems that were life-threatening and his first night was very scary.  And I slept through it.  I wasn't even able to be there with him because I was too out of it from pain meds and sheer exhaustion.  I am so afraid that the same thing is going to happen again.  I am hoping to attempt a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) and if all goes well with the pregnancy I should be able to try.  But that in itself comes with its own risks to me and the baby.  But really, how could it possibly go any worse? 

And then there's the fear of doing the whole newborn phase again, up all night, no sleep, exhaustion that threatens your very sanity...with a 2 year old at the same time.  Emmett should also be very afraid, because the Mommy he knows may not be the same for a while, or ever again.

All of these things weighing on my mind are keeping me from enjoying this pregnancy.  I really wish I could somehow let it all go.  I just want to be excited again, about the miracle that a new baby is.  I know that once its all over and I have a healthy baby in my arms, I will be ok.  But until then I just don't know.